Honoring Wyatt at the 2 Year Mark

This week has been a lot of revisiting and remembering. The 2 year mark will arrive tomorrow and with it, a lot of painful memories, a lot of tears. But I’ve also been revisiting the kindness that we have seen and received.

I was just looking back on one year ago. When we were coming up on this anniversary for the very first time. Wow, was that hard. But the kindness that was shown to us and shared throughout our community and beyond was amazing. Between personal messages we received, social media posts that were shared, and those we encountered throughout the week, I am still in awe. So many expressed kindness in their own ways and shared Wyatt’s memory. These are the greatest gifts that we can receive.

So, what are we doing this year? How are we honoring Wyatt? Through kindness again. We have a few things planned ourselves. And like last year, we ask that anyone who would like to honor Wyatt do so in kindness. Do something nice for someone else. Something unexpected. Something out of the blue. Or maybe it is something planned. Something as simple as a smile. A hug. Treat someone to a coffee. Hold the door for someone. Let someone know you care. Do a favor for a neighbor. Play a little longer with your kids.

Do it in honor of Wyatt. Do it in his memory. Do it to keep his spirit alive.

If you’d like to share, post it somewhere on social media and use the hashtag #WyattsWay. Or keep it private. Some of the best acts of kindness are anonymous.

And really, there are no rules.

There’s no doubt in my mind that Wyatt would be smiling at the efforts of kindness in his name. And the love that still flows for him.

I can’t say that year 2 is any easier. In some ways it has been even harder. We still miss Wyatt with every ounce of our beings. There is still a hole in our lives where he should be. Grief can still sneak up and grab me at the drop of a hat.

The kindness and love of our family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers has carried us through and will continue to do so. We are ever grateful for that. Thank you for remembering our boy with us. It truly is the greatest gift.


It’s Been a While…

I’ve been struggling with posting. It’s self inflicted, but a struggle still.

I know that my posts often make people sad. I wonder if others think I should be over it or move on. I wonder if others get tired of reading about my struggle, my sorrow, my sadness.

I do know that writing is a huge help for me. It helps me to process and quite frankly, helps me to be able to function and continue on.

From the time I started writing about losing Wyatt and what I’ve been experiencing, I’ve written for myself. To try to process things, to try to make sense of things for myself.

I could continue to write and just stuff it in a drawer or leave it on my phone for my eyes only. But what I’ve experienced and Wyatt’s life is worth more than that. Yes, Wyatt’s sweet life is worth more than to be hidden or forgotten. His sweet spirit deserves to be remembered.

I want more than anything for him to be remembered. I want the sweet kind 8 year old who was a friend to everyone, who stuck up for other kids, who was anxious to invite others to play, who was talented and competitive, yet humble and kind to be remembered. I want to remember every last sweet memory I can squeeze out of my brain. I want those who knew him to remember him and those who didn’t to know who he was.

So I will continue to write. And I will continue to post. I have a back log of writing that I’ve just held onto, not posting for whatever reasons were in my head. I’m going to work on posting the backlog along with what is to come.

I’m going to post my writing. I’ve decided that online platforms are a pretty cool thing. You can choose to read what you want. And not read the things that you don’t want to. It’s a choice for all of us.

The idea that I might help someone is pretty significant to me. Trying to find help in those early days of grief was hard. Northern California, or the rest of the world for that matter, doesn’t have a whole lot to offer in the area of grief. Losing a child is a big deal. And thankfully many never experience it. But for those that do, it’s helpful to know you aren’t alone. If one person gets something from what I write, well, that’s more than enough.

The other side of this is for those who know someone who has lost a child. I will admit that I never would have known what to do, what to say. I stumble over words and often feel like I can’t find the right words to say still when others are hurting. I hope I can share something that might help someone who is trying to provide comfort. I’m by far no expert, but my experience may be helpful to someone else.

And if my writing just hangs out here, that’s ok, too. It’s my processing. My thoughts. My feelings.

So, as I stated when I first started my blog, feel free to stay a while. I’m happy to have company. But I also know that I am now made up of the things that other people fear. I am not for the faint of heart. I carry knowledge and an understanding that is heartbreaking, at best. Regardless of all of that, I welcome you, but I also understand that some may not want to stay very long. I love you all the same.

Almost two years later, is it better? No

Does it hurt less? No

It doesn’t hurt any less. In the blink of an eye, and sometimes for no real reason, I can be transported back to the day, the moments when my heart realized that we were losing Wyatt. When I felt my heart being torn apart. When I felt the heartbreak that couldn’t be healed. When I felt like my world was ending.

And my world did end. As I knew it. As it was. As I was. I’m still the same, but different. I’ll never really be the same person again. I’m still grappling with that and struggling with what that means. There is beauty in what I was and in what I’ve become, what I will continue to become. There is also horror and pain and anger and sadness.

So this is what I’ve decided. This is my little corner of the web. I’ll continue to share. The good, the bad, whatever comes. I welcome you to visit, comment, stay briefly or for a while. Whatever works for you. If you don’t want to visit, that’s okay too. That’s the beauty of the internet and frankly, the written word no matter where it lives. It is there for the taking for those who want. For those who don’t, it can be left.

I am grateful for you all. Those who read. Those who comment. Those who quietly read and do not comment. This grief thing belongs to everyone individually. There’s no guidebook, no set of steps or rules. We all just have to do the best we can.

I know that some of the things I post can be hard to read. I know I’ve written things that some might take offense to. None of this is personal. I would never try to shame anyone, blame anyone, call anyone out. I am fully aware that people say things and do things they don’t mean to. Believe me because I’m sure I’ve unintentionally done that. But knowing that about myself, I want to share with others. Even when you say the wrong thing, it’s okay. None of us are perfect. But through sharing, I believe we better understand. In my opinion, at least you did something. But there we go anyway, this is all an opinion. It’s feelings and thoughts. And no one says any of it is right or wrong.

And if nothing else, memories of my sweet Wyatt will live here. I will continue to share pictures, stories, thoughts of him. My greatest fear is those memories slipping through the cracks in my memory and being lost forever. I’m going to do my darndest to make sure that doesn’t happen.

Here’s to sharing a journey and remembering my sweet, sweet boy and his sweet soul. 💙

New Year’s 2018

A full year has passed. A complete January to December. And my baby wasn’t here for any of it. He has now been gone a full 19 months. And now a full calendar year has been completed without him.

How have I survived this? How is this possible? I can still be thrown back to the moment he died in an instant. And feel like I cannot breathe. Like I cannot continue living this nightmare.

Last year I wrote this post at New Year’s and those feelings are not any different this year. I’m not anxious to move forward another year without Wyatt. I’m not anxious to keep continuing down this road without him. I find myself grappling with how I will keep watching the years turn without him. I don’t want to see what there is to be without him here. I don’t want to keep experiencing things without him. I don’t want to be endlessly reminded of what he isn’t here for.

I have taken the opportunity with saying goodbye to 2017 to reflect on what has happened this year. There has been beauty. There have been good things. That does not escape me.

Wyatt’s Buddy Bench was installed at Sierra View.

Wyatt’s scoreboard was installed at East Side. And a second bench was installed there at the same field.

We visited beautiful places and spent time with amazing people.

We have been blessed and loved beyond measure through some of our darkest moments.

Many of the things that have happened this year could not have happened without the kindness and love of family, friends, and even strangers. So many have and continue to reach out and support us. We are grateful for everyone who has reached out to us and helped us remember Wyatt in both big and small ways.

I know there will continue to be beauty and good things. We will continue to be surrounded by love and kindness. Because we choose those things. Even when it’s hard.

Thank you all for being some of those good and beautiful things in our lives. We wouldn’t be where and who we are without you.

Not sure what 2018 will hold. It’s coming regardless of what I want. I will continue to carry on Wyatt’s kind way the best that I can. And I will continue to cherish what I have each day, for that is all that we really have. Tomorrow truly is never guaranteed.

In Honor of Wyatt

Many have asked if or how we are honoring Wyatt this week. Wednesday, May 24th will be a year since he left us.  

We’ve given this a lot of thought. I’ve pondered many ideas from elaborate to simple. I’ve asked myself, “What would Wyatt want? What would mean the most to him?”

In our hearts, the best thing that we can all do to honor Wyatt is to be KIND. Kindness was Wyatt’s Way. It is how Wyatt was and how he would want us to continue in this life.  

So, very simply, we ask you to be KIND. In whatever way you see fit. Help a neighbor. Do something to brighten someone’s day. Say hello to a stranger. Bring flowers from your garden to brighten the office. Buy the guy behind you in line a coffee. Play with your kids. Take a friend out for ice cream. Pay someone a compliment.

This is what Wyatt would want. And he would be happy to know that the people who love him, are loving each other. 

Let your kindness be random. Let it be planned or spontaneous. Let it be private or let it be public. Whatever feels right. If you’d like to share it, we welcome you to. You can share it on Wyatt’s Facebook page. You can post it anywhere on social media with the hashtag #WyattsWay.

Thank you for loving our boy and for loving us. We have been blessed with kindness beyond what we could have ever imagined from all of you, from friends and strangers. From unimaginable pain has come unimaginable beauty in the kindness that we have been shown. Kindness that is a reflection of our sweet Wyatt and the kindness he showed others. A kindness that we can only hope will carry his memory forward to continue to touch the lives of others.