Two years ago today we celebrated Wyatt’s life. A day that was largely a blur. Foggy, at best.
I still find myself buffering memories. I allow myself to only remember so much and then I have to shut it off. I can only let so much in at a time before it becomes overwhelming.
I remember preparing for that day. I found a dress with Dodger blue. And I got Dodger blue sunglasses and flip flops to match. It felt weird to buy a dress for what was surely the saddest event of my life. I remember thinking, “I don’t want to buy a dress for this.”
But I did. And we celebrated Wyatt’s life. Because he deserved that. He deserved a celebration to remember and honor him.
As I’ve allowed some memories to flow today, there are some that stand out.
Standing in my kitchen holding my sister in law, Casey’s hands as she prayed for strength for me. Looking at her as we talked about how I was going to get through this. And I distinctly remember saying, “I can do this. I’ve already lived through the worst day of my life.”
The family, friends, acquaintances and even strangers who came from all aspects of our lives.
The endless stream of hugs from those who came.
Turning around to look across Eastside and see the sea of people who were there and catching my breath.
Seeing Shane surrounded by his friends.
Sitting between Brooks and my mom while cherished people in our lives spoke about Wyatt and our family.
The sweet friends and members of our community who put the entire event together.
This morning, already reflecting on the memories of Wyatt’s Celebration of Life, I heard this song.
Before Wyatt died, I equated it with our life. We were living a good life and I knew it. I even used it in a video I made as a collection of moments from 2013. Life was so good then.
When I hear that song now, I have mixed emotions. It hurts to think of what is gone. What will never be. But I also often see it as a celebration of what we’ve had and still have. And sometimes I think it’s a reminder of the good life that Wyatt had, short as it may have been.
As I look back on this day two years ago, it’s still foggy. There is a lot I don’t remember. But what I do remember is this. An immense feeling of love. Love for Wyatt. And love for our family. The goodness in others. The ability of people to come together for those who are in need. The kindness and compassion of our community. And a day spent remembering and celebrating a good life. A life cut short. But still a good life, that has changed my life forever.
I love you, pun’kin. I’ll miss you forever.