A full year has passed. A complete January to December. And my baby wasn’t here for any of it. He has now been gone a full 19 months. And now a full calendar year has been completed without him.
How have I survived this? How is this possible? I can still be thrown back to the moment he died in an instant. And feel like I cannot breathe. Like I cannot continue living this nightmare.
Last year I wrote this post at New Year’s and those feelings are not any different this year. I’m not anxious to move forward another year without Wyatt. I’m not anxious to keep continuing down this road without him. I find myself grappling with how I will keep watching the years turn without him. I don’t want to see what there is to be without him here. I don’t want to keep experiencing things without him. I don’t want to be endlessly reminded of what he isn’t here for.
I have taken the opportunity with saying goodbye to 2017 to reflect on what has happened this year. There has been beauty. There have been good things. That does not escape me.
Wyatt’s Buddy Bench was installed at Sierra View.
Wyatt’s scoreboard was installed at East Side. And a second bench was installed there at the same field.
We visited beautiful places and spent time with amazing people.
We have been blessed and loved beyond measure through some of our darkest moments.
Many of the things that have happened this year could not have happened without the kindness and love of family, friends, and even strangers. So many have and continue to reach out and support us. We are grateful for everyone who has reached out to us and helped us remember Wyatt in both big and small ways.
I know there will continue to be beauty and good things. We will continue to be surrounded by love and kindness. Because we choose those things. Even when it’s hard.
Thank you all for being some of those good and beautiful things in our lives. We wouldn’t be where and who we are without you.
Not sure what 2018 will hold. It’s coming regardless of what I want. I will continue to carry on Wyatt’s kind way the best that I can. And I will continue to cherish what I have each day, for that is all that we really have. Tomorrow truly is never guaranteed.